Intentions, Not Resolutions: On Choosing Presence Over Urgency

Dec 30, 2025 • 7 min read

career CISO leadership work-life-balance fractional-CISO new-years intentions

It’s December 30th, and I have no idea how we got here.

Not just December 2025. But December in general. How did April turn into December? How did 2020 turn into 2025?

I can’t tell you exactly what I was doing, but I was busy. Constantly responding to things that felt urgent. Checking Slack. Monitoring email. Jumping on calls. Making decisions. Solving problems.

But I wasn’t present for any of it.

The Thing I Already Knew

Everyone’s about to post their 2026 resolutions. New year, new me. This will be the year I finally [insert thing].

I don’t do resolutions. I tried that once. Resolved to have better work-life balance. To set boundaries. To be more present.

Then I became a CISO again and forgot I’d ever said any of that.

Resolutions are performative. They’re what we tell ourselves we’ll do differently without examining why we didn’t do it in the first place.

So instead, I’m setting an intention: to actually live what I already know.

Because here’s the embarrassing part—I already knew this five years ago.

In April 2021, I gave an interview reflecting on the year before and how the pandemic changed my life, a little surprisingly, for the better. February 2020 had been rough. I was CISO at a midsize bank in Arkansas, going through a divorce, living alone in a big empty house while realtors showed it to potential buyers.

When the pandemic hit in March, I packed up the dogs and drove to Alabama to stay with my parents for a few weeks “while the whole thing blew over.”

That didn’t happen. Obviously.

I spent the next six months working remotely from my parents’ house. My divorce was finalized over Zoom. And I decided I didn’t want to go back to Arkansas at all. I met my the man who would become my husband then too.

In October 2020, I officially moved to Birmingham and took a senior director role at Fastly. A step down from CISO. Reporting to a CISO instead of being one.

I told the interviewer: “The CISO life is half as good as it should be.”

I meant it. So I chose differently. Quality of life over title and politics.

I knew the always-on CISO life wasn’t sustainable. I’d already lived it. I’d already made a different choice.

And Then I Did It Again Anyway

Somewhere between 2020 and May 2025, I became a CISO again.

I can rationalize it. The opportunity was good. The money was good. I told myself I’d do it differently this time. Set better boundaries. Not fall into the same traps. But here’s the thing about the CISO role: it doesn’t matter how good your boundaries are. The job itself is designed to be always-on.

You’re at dinner but monitoring Slack. You’re on vacation but “just checking email real quick.” You’re in a meeting but scanning alerts in another window. You’re everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

Everything feels urgent. That vendor email. That security incident. That executive question. The board deck. The audit finding.

But when you look back six months later, most of it didn’t actually matter. The crisis on Tuesday? Can’t even remember what it was about by Friday.

What Unemployment Taught Me (Again)

May 2025 happened and I wasn’t a CISO anymore.

I spent the summer building geeky little things. Automated sunset timelapses. Weather station integrations. The kind of projects that require actual presence and focus, not constant context-switching.

I wasn’t keeping myself busy in the same way. I was building a business, sure. But I was actually present for it.

And somewhere in there, I realized I’d been living in a blur for two years. Not because I didn’t know better. I’d known better since 2020. But because knowing something and actually living it are completely different things.

What’s Different This Time

My first fractional client started in November. The kind of work that requires deep focus and strategic thinking.

And here’s what I’ve noticed: right now, the boundaries are built into the structure.

Not because I’m suddenly more disciplined. Not because I magically developed better time management.

But because I literally cannot be always-on for multiple clients and run my business. The math doesn’t work.

When I’m working with a client, I’m working with that client. When I’m not, I’m actually not (most of the time). There’s no pretending to be half-available while monitoring six different urgent channels.

The constraints force presence.

I’m more effective. Not despite the boundaries, but because of them.

This isn’t about fractional work being the only answer. It’s about finding roles—whether fractional, full-time, or something else—where the structure supports presence instead of fighting it. Some companies and some CISO roles do this well. Mine right now happens to be fractional.

Time That Actually Feels Like Time

I can tell you what happened in October. Not just what I was busy with, but what I was present for. I remember conversations. I remember problems I solved. I remember thinking deeply about something instead of skimming the surface.

Time stopped being a blur.

Turns out, being fully present for fewer things beats being half-present for everything. I knew that in 2020, but I forgot it somewhere along the way. Or maybe I didn’t forget it; maybe I just convinced myself I could handle it differently this time.

What This Actually Means

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not always present now. Client Slack channels sometimes dominate my attention at weird hours (thank you, global teams) when I should be focusing on the here and now. Sometimes I still hyperfocus on whatever project has grabbed my brain. My partner can tell you about the evenings I’m physically there but mentally debugging that weird bug in my sunset timelapse code or fixing the time logic on my Birmingham tech events calendar.

But it’s different. I’m not half-monitoring six urgent channels while pretending to be present. I’m just occasionally obsessed with a problem I actually care about solving.

That’s ADHD, not work-life blur. And honestly? It’s still better.

I’m not telling you to quit your CISO job. That’s not realistic and frankly not the point.

But if you already know the always-on life isn’t sustainable, you’re probably right. You can’t make good decisions when you’re perpetually distracted. You can’t do deep work when every notification demands immediate response. And you can’t be present for your actual life when work has colonized every available mental space.

Intentions, Not Resolutions

I’m not resolving to have better work-life balance in 2026. That’s meaningless.

I’m not promising to never check Slack on vacation or to magically develop discipline I don’t have.

Instead, I’m setting one intention: Choose presence over urgency.

Not as a goal. Not as a resolution I’ll forget by February. But as a filter for every decision I make about work.

Does this opportunity allow me to be present, or does it require me to be perpetually half-available?

Does this actually need my immediate attention, or am I just responding to artificial urgency?

Am I building something I’ll remember, or just staying busy?

Whether that’s a fractional engagement, a full-time CISO role, or advisory work doesn’t matter. What matters is choosing roles and companies where presence is possible, not punished.

Right now, my fractional work gives me structural support for that intention. But the real work is choosing it every day. Choosing presence when urgency is screaming for attention. Choosing to be fully somewhere instead of half-everywhere.

What I’m Taking Into 2026

When you look back at 2025, what do you actually remember?

Not what you were busy with. What you were present for.

If the answer makes you uncomfortable, maybe you don’t need a resolution. Maybe you just need to set an intention to live what you already know.

I knew in 2020 that the always-on life wasn’t sustainable. I chose differently. Then I forgot.

This time, I’m not resolving to be different. I’m intending to remember what I already know.

That’s my 2026. Not a resolution. An intention.

Ready to Secure Your Growth?

Whether you need an executive speaker for your next event or a fractional CISO to build your security roadmap, let's talk.

Book Lora for Speaking Get a Business Security Audit

Consulting services are delivered through Vaughn Cyber Group.

The Engineered Forest: Why the Best Security Programs Are Invisible